things will never be the same again. . . .

mood: confused but loved
rockin: pink top, brown lace undershirt, jeans, blue socks :)
jammin: Forever and Always - Bullet for my Valentine

hello, cruel world:
so. philly actually found out that i've had a crush on him since before i started dating mikeyy. now, i had a lust thing going on for him while i was going out with mikeyy, but thats all it was. i would never break up with mikeyy for him. philly is my best friend; he's like a brother too me. i guess i felt that if i didn't have an excuse to hold on to him, i would lose him like so many others. i couldn't bare losing him; i could'nt bare losing mikeyy either. gosh this sucks. i wish i could just control my emotions better than i seem to. keep them bottled up inside forever. killing myself from the inside out. i'd rather be doing that than letting myself get hurt by my own actions such as these.

i just want to go bury my head into a pillow and cry my aching heart out.

brayy

goodbye is for losers; hello is for lovers

mood: very sad
rockin: forever21 heart hoodie and jeans
jammin: Pray for Me - Sixx AM

hello, cruel world:
today will probably be the last day i post until friday. im going back home this afternoon and i'll spend a week before i have to spend the christmas break with my grandmother. its a pain in the ass being here, but i dont have to eat when everybody else does and ive got free access to my computer. so. yay.

i was talking to mikeyy last night. gosh, i miss him. the two weeks and 4 days out of school is going to suck majorly. no more hugging, no more kissing, no more being held, no more anything. i want to skip my last two classes on friday with him. nobody is going to be in them anyways because most people are getting early release from school. yeh, that means that if we dont we'll both be in empty classes thinking about what we could have been doing. ya know?

im not the type that even likes trouble, i can't start off the new semester with in school suspension. i'd honestly puke. we'll think of a master plan on how to be together. he told me all he wanted for christmas was to spend a day alone with me. isn't that sweet?

brayy

the sweet sound of seduction

mood: in love ♥
rockin: pink babyb-doll shirt with dark blue jeans and black chucks
jammin: Super Honeymoon - Owl City

hello, cruel world:
i am so extremely happy! besides the fact that im putting yesterday in the back of my head, mikey is the single most funniest guy ive ever met! :) i love him! he kissed me and made it up to me. he didn't let go of me today. i felt loved again; i felt like his girlfriend again. it was just like any other day. i actually had to force him to eat. im sorry, but he is way small. i love his size, but i dont want him losin weight when i do.

all ive had was a Orange Cream Sobe and a Salad. im going to get another one and then try to sleep. ive gotten maybe 20 hours of sleep this week. it hurts.

brayy

another breakthrough;another set back

mood: happy && ready :)
rockin: white FCCLA t-shirt and black sweats
jammin: WTFWJD - I Set My Friends On Fire

hello, cruel world:
yes. my life is twirling around me and i dont know how to control it. i got extremely pissed at Mikey today. He said something very hurtful to my self-esteem and i completely shut down. my brother [not blood, but even closer] said he would love to see his girlfriend and her friend have sex. typical guy thing right? i expect that from him; he's a giant perv. i love him to death though. well, mikey goes and says (while standing behind me, holding me i might add) i would love to see that too.

now. i BLEW up. i wouldn't even let him touch me until he walked to my bus at the end of the day. did i have the right to get as mad as i did? that remark made me feel as though im his girlfriend but he'd rather watch them? thats an even better reason for me to lose my weight. my ultimate goal is »102LBS« thats far from what i am now; actually about 100 pounds. yes, im fat, i think i know that. he is smaller than my friend braidan. she weighs 100! she is absolutely gorgeous btw. and i feel like me and him dont. . . match. grr. starting one day [more than likely after i get out for school the 19th so i can have complete access to my computer 24/7] i will start my journey. plus i have physical education next semister (im scared!) so these pounds will hopefully drop like my self-esteem did today.

brayy

:)a day filled with rainbows, a night filled with fears

mood: content.
rockin: my santa-clause pj's & black socks XD
jammin: Betrayed - Avenged Sevenfold

hello, cruel world:
today was another full blown mess. nothing happened. nothing worst me wasting my breathe over at least. only our kiss. i seem obsessive the way i think about kissing mikey. its the only thing on my mind when i wake up, is

will we kiss today? or how about i wonder how he's going to taste this time...

yes. im obsessed. i love him. his lips, his nose, his ears, his face, his everything. . . .it its all mine. i cant get enough :) he tastes really good to me. and his tongue is amazing mwuahaha. but enough on my sexy mikey.

anyways. the other night my ex comes sending me a IM. its been months since ive talked to him and years since we've dated. he really tore me up inside and out because i lost him once and now he pops into my life for 2 fucking days and decides to leave me again. i shouldn't be feeling this way about a guy who practilly ripped my heart out and spit on it. what the hell is wrong with me. im in love for the very first time.

they still tell me we don't know what love is. i think i have a clue. when im with mikey, i get this feeling that nothing in this world can go wrong. i feel loved and cared for in his arms and i never want him to let me go because im afraid ill fall without them there. now that thats out of my system. goodnight.

brayy